I can’t stop thinking about the death of my classmate earlier this year, he was the first male friend I made from my class and the only classmate that knew I had a flair for writing outside the classroom. I am very shy about my writings, I do not let anyone see them except I know they wouldn’t raise controversies and contradictions. I have several diaries were I write a lot of stuffs that I have never thought of publishing; they are too raw I tell myself or too forward, everyone would think it’s weird and consider me a psycho, then why I’m I awake at 3:15am thinking of my late classmate Tombari?
Tombari was the only one I showed my writings to, whenever I wrote anything new I’d show him immediately I was in school, he would take it to a quiet place away from his friends, when he was done we’d stroll outside the class and he would say “Emi I love it, it’s perfect” and then he’d ask “when are you posting it on your blog?”, I would smile and say “soon, very soon” but I never posted any of it on the blog, never anything I showed him anyways. I’m sure he must have checked several times on the blog and never saw the post, he never questioned me, not even when I showed him a new piece.
Mr Tombari was very intelligent and wise, he was older than me with at least ten years, he was reserved, rarely spoke but when consulted gave sound advice. He always told me I looked good every day we saw in school even when I wasn’t sure of my looks that day. If you ever sat close to Mr Tombari during an exam you are sure to get at least a grade C, just copy exactly what he writes and make sure the exam invigilator doesn’t change your seat. I was very surprised when he told me he had a carry over in one of the courses we offered the previous academic section; I couldn’t understand how that had happened but he told me he had already registered it and was attending the classes, I told him that he didn’t need to attend the classes but he insisted he did, he was what people would call a serious student.
When his death was announced, I couldn’t comprehend the information for about 30 minutes, “what are they talking about” I kept on asking myself and then the tears came, I couldn’t control myself in public for the first time in my life, I tried to suppress the tears and look composed but death has a way of breaking you down; I placed my head on the desk and cried bitterly.
When I got home in the afternoon, I remembered I was suppose to show Tombari my latest piece of writing, I had running stomach the previous night and couldn’t sleep which resulted to the beginning of a story I haven’t yet decided what to do with, I’d probably post what I wrote that night later on. I have thought a lot about Tombari’s death and what is really important in life. I have concluded that self discovery and true happiness are keys to a fulfilled life. You have to understand yourself and what you are all about before it is too late, be true to yourself and “do you” . Stop regretting whatever mistake you made in the past and move on to greater things. If you love anything or have always wanted to learn something, you need to do it now, stop waiting for the perfect time, create a perfect time, just stop procrastinating and start doing. You have to use up every resource and talent you have in you before you leave this earth, I’m not sure you’d be needing it after you are dead.
How do you want others to remember you when you are gone? Be genuinely happy, I don’t mean smile whenever you want to take selfies, I want your heart to overflow with true joy and peace. Life is in stages, savor whatever joy it has to offer and be content with being yourself. Don’t you understand that you are so amazing, you are a master piece, stop trying to be someone else, the only excuse you have forever wanting to change you is when you want to become a better you. Start living and stop existing. I love you all and remember to love yourself