The “Back Up” Lover
Have you ever wondered why people double date? And what’s more shocking is the fact that they see absolutely nothing wrong with it. It’s like a norm, they always have to keep a back up lover.
In IT terminology Backup is the activity of copying physical or virtual files or database to a secondary site for preservation in case of equipment failures or other catastrophe. The process of backing up data is pivotal to a successful disaster recovery (DR) plan. Drawing from the above definition, a backup relationship is the conscious indulgence in an external intimate relationship in case of unforeseen catastrophes.
Having a backup relationship is like having both legs in two houses, you are not entirely committed to anyone, you give “A” 50% and “B” 50% because you hope that if A messes up you can always run to B. I’ve come to the realization that this is a defense mechanism for a lot of people, instead of facing any emotional hurt the break up of a relationship would bring, they quickly take refuge in the other relationship thereby ignoring or burying their emotions.
Any relationship flowing with the course of this thought would never work; instead of giving your 100% in a relationship to make sure it works, you do everything half haphazardly because you’ve created a second option for yourself somewhere else. You no longer try to sort things out or make things better, you are always set to run out of the relationship, how then do you expect it to work?
If you want to be committed to someone then be ready to put your all into it, stop expecting to get hurt, you cannot approach a relationship like that. Why expect the worst, the best part of life is it’s beautiful surprises. A lot of people would argue that you shouldn’t place all your eggs in one basket but this a relationship not a poultry farm, moreover if your heart isn’t totally into something you shouldn’t waste your time or someone’s else’s.
A backup relationship would do you more harm than good, you would never truly succeed at any relationship and you might end up hurting the other parties involved. Stop expecting love to fail you and say no to backup lovers.