The Addiction to Independence
Hello, Olives. I am Itari and I have been invited to be a guest writer for today’s episode of Single Woman Palaver. I have chosen a topic that I believe is not acknowledged enough and that is the single woman’s addiction to independence.

Most people believe that all single women are lonely and desperate for a relationship. As much as it would be erroneous for me to completely contradict this, I still dare to say no, not all single women are lonely. And not all of them are desperate. “Single and ready to mingle” does not apply to every woman. Some women are “single and chill about it”, you un’sten?

With that bit settled, we can now dive fully into the topic for today. In case you’re wondering just how a lady could possibly be addicted to independence, I will illustrate: A twenty-two-year-old lady had her last relationship when she was 18. Four years later, she finds herself at a place where she has come to know a lot about herself, set standards and grown. She makes her own money and takes good care of herself. Guys come around; some of them are good-looking, some are intelligent, others are rich. A few are even double/triple threat! There’s just one problem: she’s fallen in love with her independence – become addicted to it, really.

The advantage of this is that it eliminates the dangerous emotions of neediness and desperation, which we all know are the grandparents of bad relationship decisions. But then again, addiction is by its very nature excessive, and the addiction to independence is no exemption.

With the women that fall under this category, wooing is an almost impossible task and men have to work extra hard to earn their attention and/or love. Unlike emotionally dependent women, independence junkies wonder just what is so special about relationships that they cannot do without. Of course, these women remain human and as such, may long for the comfort of a relationship every now and then. Still, it is by no means a priority.

The pitfall of this condition in women is one that is peculiar to our continent Africa and her patriarchal ways. If you’re African (most especially Nigerian), then I can safely assume that you’ve considered that the female independence junkie may regret her decisions in the future. “What about when she gets to a marriageable age and has succeeded in chasing all the men away,” you may be wondering “what will she do then?”

The answer to this is twofold. One is that you may be rightfully concerned as the lady in question just might end up desperate, lonely and regretful of her earlier disposition towards men and relationships.

But that’s not where it ends.

You may want to brace up for this part. It’s a shocker. It’s mind-blowing. It goes like this:


Yep, I said it. She just might turn out fine – single or married. And no, being single is not a curse – being married or in a relationship with the wrong person is.

The single woman’s addiction to independence is both a blessing and a curse she can either choose to navigate through or wallow in. And what’s more to it?

She doesn’t really care.


  1. Most of the time, they end up just fine because when they choose a person..they end up falling for one that complements them

  2. Well written! I think knowing that your joy doesn’t come from a man or a situation or circumstance but from God can help keep you stable. Single or married.